I don’t fit in. Never have. Maybe never will. And while the "outside" can often be a lonely place, there’s also lots to be relished about being a rebel.
It means I can still don polka dot skirts, bright red petticoats, and the faux leather combat boots with lace ruffled socks. I have a tattoo that fills the inside of my left arm proclaiming the love of my Savior and one on the adjacent shoulder that speaks of an attempt at suicide. I color my hair the darkest shade of brown to give the red streak that frames my face a more striking presence. I'm direct and opinionated, and some of the things that come out of my mouth surprise even me! (I can also sometimes be tactful, though some people might find that hard to believe...) I love to sing even alone in the car at the top of my lungs. I don't always do my hair and go without makeup in public (which took many years to confidently do.) Most people don't know I wear glasses because I seldom have them on (I'm in denial that my sight is poor) I believe in the way a song can turn a mood upside down, or downside up. I believe in the love of my God & my family. They are who I give my heart to. I do what I want, when I want, where I want (within reason), with whomever I like. If anyone else wants to join in, fine. And if they don’t, so be it, I do it anyway. That means I'm often alone. I've become OK with that. I'm insatiably curious. I fail A LOT more than I succeed (or so it would seem to the casual observer in me). I stumble. I fall. I get up. (OK. Sometimes I crawl for awhile, but eventually I DO get up, a little bruised and battered, but not broken.) I dance with joyful abandon, and once I start, I usually don't stop for a long, long time. I work hard; I play hard. I wish my body didn't need sleep. I have a wide diversity of interests, and I'm a wannabe geek. I don’t answer to anyone or anything but my Savior and my own conscience. I'm joyful, tearful (on a daily basis), happy, sad, lonely, and connected. Or not. I'm ordinary and extraordinary. Just like you are. My mind and my body are inextricably connected. The health of each depends on the health of the other, so I stay fit in order to stay sane and vice versa. I cry in most movies, and I don’t care who stares. I seek inner peace amidst the chaos. I surrender defiantly. Only in God's eyes do I ever expect to be a 'Rockstar' or famous. I aspire to be crazy. I'm a misfit, a rebel, a troublemaker, a round peg in a square hole. Or a square peg in a round hole. Depending on which day of the week it is 😛 I want to celebrate and emulate the craziness of the crazies, in tribute to the wonderful magic they/we/you bring to the world. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.... This is how God created me and I do my best to be who He wants me to be; I am His beautiful mess!
2 Comments
Kristina Redlawsk
8/15/2019 09:25:07 am
Hello Charlotte, I just wanted to say your are such an inspiration to me and an encouragement, especially when you are able to freely talk about your struggles. I have struggles also but have been afraid for a long time to talk about them to people because I have been so stigmatized in the past and also people's comments like" I'm not trusting God enough, there must be secret sin in my life that is why God has not healed me" or " Just get over it' and lastly I have had alot of friends stay away from me when I have told them because they incorrectly think it's a choice, when I'm having a hard time I. Can't stand when people say to me also its not an Illness from something lacking in my brain but a lifestyle choice😒that has been so painful for me and especially with the friend situation , that I have been isolating myself from getting close to friends because I don't another friend who is going to leave the friendship when my illness is acting up or I'm having a hard time. But because of you I have been opening up little by little your not ashamed so why should I be,? I didn't ask for this but I know God's holding my hand with me whatever I go through...just wanted you and the rest of the Band to know that what you do is so important for God's kingdom and helps people, and YOU ALL matter!! Keep up work the good work for our Lord!🙂
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AuthorSinger / Songwriter / Firestarter of Veracity Archives
December 2019
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