I don’t fit in. Never have. Maybe never will. And while the "outside" can often be a lonely place, there’s also lots to be relished about being a rebel.
It means I can still don polka dot skirts, bright red petticoats, and the faux leather combat boots with lace ruffled socks. I have a tattoo that fills the inside of my left arm proclaiming the love of my Savior and one on the adjacent shoulder that speaks of an attempt at suicide. I color my hair the darkest shade of brown to give the red streak that frames my face a more striking presence. I'm direct and opinionated, and some of the things that come out of my mouth surprise even me! (I can also sometimes be tactful, though some people might find that hard to believe...) I love to sing even alone in the car at the top of my lungs. I don't always do my hair and go without makeup in public (which took many years to confidently do.) Most people don't know I wear glasses because I seldom have them on (I'm in denial that my sight is poor) I believe in the way a song can turn a mood upside down, or downside up. I believe in the love of my God & my family. They are who I give my heart to. I do what I want, when I want, where I want (within reason), with whomever I like. If anyone else wants to join in, fine. And if they don’t, so be it, I do it anyway. That means I'm often alone. I've become OK with that. I'm insatiably curious. I fail A LOT more than I succeed (or so it would seem to the casual observer in me). I stumble. I fall. I get up. (OK. Sometimes I crawl for awhile, but eventually I DO get up, a little bruised and battered, but not broken.) I dance with joyful abandon, and once I start, I usually don't stop for a long, long time. I work hard; I play hard. I wish my body didn't need sleep. I have a wide diversity of interests, and I'm a wannabe geek. I don’t answer to anyone or anything but my Savior and my own conscience. I'm joyful, tearful (on a daily basis), happy, sad, lonely, and connected. Or not. I'm ordinary and extraordinary. Just like you are. My mind and my body are inextricably connected. The health of each depends on the health of the other, so I stay fit in order to stay sane and vice versa. I cry in most movies, and I don’t care who stares. I seek inner peace amidst the chaos. I surrender defiantly. Only in God's eyes do I ever expect to be a 'Rockstar' or famous. I aspire to be crazy. I'm a misfit, a rebel, a troublemaker, a round peg in a square hole. Or a square peg in a round hole. Depending on which day of the week it is 😛 I want to celebrate and emulate the craziness of the crazies, in tribute to the wonderful magic they/we/you bring to the world. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.... This is how God created me and I do my best to be who He wants me to be; I am His beautiful mess!
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AuthorSinger / Songwriter / Firestarter of Veracity Archives
December 2019
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