Living a transformed life is the greatest form of worship we can achieve. To be one with God and understand how our lives revolve around Him and are for Him in all that we set out to do and accomplish is the goal for eternal life. “And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life” 1 John 5:11-12 (NIV).
We are all born with a purpose and in God’s image, but our lives move away from our creator as soon as the environment we enter here on earth encapsulates us.
My story doesn’t start the same as yours, but I’ll bet it hasn’t always been roses and sunshine. I grew up thinking I was worthless damaged goods up until I turned 19 and was given back my earthly life after an attempted suicide. I’d still walk in my messy flesh desperately holding on to the word of God as a new Christian trying to figure out why I was still here, until the birth of my first child. At that moment as I watched new life come into to the world, I locked eyes with, and my heart bonded with the spirit of the Lord. It was as if Jesus was in the room holding both my son and I, opening a door to a new world. I felt more love in that moment than I could comprehend, so I went back to the day I was saved in my flesh to those words I held so tightly to, “By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also” 1 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV). “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” Galatians 2:20 (NIV). And I was made new!
From that day my life has been about serving the one who gave me this life for a second time. It is such a gift and I try my best to treat every part of it as one. No matter the task or issues I face, I try to focus on the outcomes. When we place our trust in God and do everything for His glory, no matter the outcome (how it may look, feel or seem to us) it always works for His good when we follow His lead. There have been times I thought I made some pretty bad decisions or didn’t do well on a job or task that was placed in front of me, but when I look back and see where God placed His hand in it, it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it was in my moment of self doubt, simply because I gave it to Him to guide me through. We will all make mistakes and always be tempted by sin, but as long as we walk with God in our hearts, letting His spirit guide us, we will see victory. I like to look at life as a “beautiful mess” because no matter how bad things may seem, there is always beauty in it when God is there.
“Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:24-26).
It can be very hard, downright heart wrenching to let go of something that was gifted to you, gave you a sense of purpose, something you care very deeply about and would not know how to function without, but God is giving you the most beautiful opportunity to gain the most valuable gift that can NEVER be taken from you. He wants you to have EVERYTHING your heart desires and all you have to do is let go. Let go of yourself, the life "you" created, your ways and all those thoughts that consume you (Isaiah 55:8-9). You must loosen your grip on all worldly things: "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever" (1 John 2:15-17). Those desires of the flesh are what keep you from receiving the true love your heart so longs for.
Even when we do not know what our purpose is, or who we are, one thing I've learned, after an attempted suicide (More about that in my future posts), and hold on to today, is that no matter where I am in life, how hard I fight to get through the day or how deplorable life may seem at the moment, I am His and He breathed this life into me, therefore I must cherish every moment I wake giving ALL the glory to the One who chooses me every second of every day for eternity. Life is a blessing in whatever battle we face or wherever we are placed throughout. We could be having the worst day, week or year ever, but within it we are always blessing somebody as we spread His word and carry our cross. So ALWAYS remember to carry it well!
We are all worthy of God’s unfailing and everlasting love, but sometimes we are unable to see it or feel it. For many, myself included, there are walls we place in front of that love due to numerous issues we face every day. I have battled depression and found myself doubting my faith in people and in love (God) because of an abusive childhood. I’ve met many people who became angry at God because of an unexpected loss, a painful hurt or abuse by others. They somehow found a way to blame the very One who not only loves us unconditionally but makes ALL things good for our good in every way. Fortunately, in the past 10 years I found true love in my Lord and Savior which has caused a strong need in me to share it with all I encounter the best way I can.
Being a musician alongside my husband is truly a gift. Together we have been a team, a band and a ministry. Although it didn’t start out as a ministry, the music we were writing and performing had a message of love that became evident the more we followed God’s call. I found myself not only as lead vocalist but also a speaker to thousands from the stage, as I shared stories about the songs we’ve written that coincided with my testimony, I started to receive wonderful messages from those who were somehow touched by my strength and vulnerability to be able to share my walk with Christ. It wasn’t always easy for me to share my life so privately, but the Lord placed a gift of songwriting on my heart and the only way I could share His gift to as many possible, was to write about my life in those songs. After reading message after message, listening to people’s stories of their own pain through life’s battles, it saddened me to know how many hurting souls there are. This led to countless opportunities to pray for and with many people that were searching for the same love I found in Him. I felt even more loved the more I put myself out there and talked about how to receive love and be love.
I still minister today to everyone I encounter, from the stage to the grocery store and beyond. I will never stop, and now feel I have been called to help those on a more intimate level as I was years ago. After listening to the Holy Spirit and searching for guidance, I am back to school at Colorado Christian University, working toward a degree in Psychology / Clinical counseling. I feel there needs to be more emphasis on the spiritual side of life when it comes to healing people. We are all placed on earth with a purpose and our identity is in the Lord who placed us here. I want to give glory to God for all He has done and continues to do by sharing everything I can!
Welcome to my life as I know it!
I have decided to write about my life on a more personal level with God, and share His love with all of you through this new page (personal blog). For anyone who needs inspiration, help getting through the day, or to see how God can change a heart, please check it out and share!
My life is about love & trust, peppered with a past full of heartache. I attempted suicide at the age of 19 because of sexual and physical abuse. I once thought I was worthless damaged goods, living in constant darkness and anxiety for many years. I now know that my past is not my truth. There is so much more written for me than what I have lived through. And I am here to let God continue to write my story living out what He has planned for me till my days on earth are through.
I live to share all the love He has given me with everyone I encounter. You are NOT what anyone says you are, but who God created you to be.
This is my attempt (through posts, audio and video) to change hearts and open minds to the greatest love you will ever know.......
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