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“Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:24-26).
It can be very hard, downright heart wrenching to let go of something that was gifted to you, gave you a sense of purpose, something you care very deeply about and would not know how to function without, but God is giving you the most beautiful opportunity to gain the most valuable gift that can NEVER be taken from you. He wants you to have EVERYTHING your heart desires and all you have to do is let go. Let go of yourself, the life "you" created, your ways and all those thoughts that consume you (Isaiah 55:8-9). You must loosen your grip on all worldly things: "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever" (1 John 2:15-17). Those desires of the flesh are what keep you from receiving the true love your heart so longs for.
Even when we do not know what our purpose is, or who we are, one thing I've learned, after an attempted suicide (More about that in my future posts), and hold on to today, is that no matter where I am in life, how hard I fight to get through the day or how deplorable life may seem at the moment, I am His and He breathed this life into me, therefore I must cherish every moment I wake giving ALL the glory to the One who chooses me every second of every day for eternity. Life is a blessing in whatever battle we face or wherever we are placed throughout. We could be having the worst day, week or year ever, but within it we are always blessing somebody as we spread His word and carry our cross. So ALWAYS remember to carry it well!