As I look back on my life, I cannot say I was always certain there was a God or that I believed in God, but when I am confronted by someone asking why I believe in God today, I can share much experience and the knowledge I have obtained while searching for the proof I needed the moment I discovered I am not here by accident. As long as I can remember there has always been this inner feeling of wanting to know why I am here, why I was born into this world, but I never actually perused those thoughts until a moment of great panic and fear came over my life. I now feel strongly that there is a natural inner longing for something more than science can comprehend. “This inner longing was described by Blaise Pascal, the great 17th-century mathematician, as "the God-shaped vacuum" in every human being” (Little, Galli, & McAllister), for “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11, NIV). My thought process and worldview had completely changed one dark and fearful day back in May of 1992.
After many years of feeling like worthless damaged goods and not being able to look at myself in the mirror for as long as I could remember, I had taken a handful of many different types of prescription pain pills and immediately got into my car and drove to a bridge. I sat in my car for several minutes eventually going in and out of consciousness beginning to feel much regret, when a sudden panic and fear set deeply in. I cried out, not necessarily to God (since I hadn’t any relationship at the time), “please save me, I don’t want to die!” and exclaimed how sorry I was. I then proceeded to drive my car back to the house, where the last thing I remember is seeing an ambulance. The next thing I remember is waking in a hospital bed with tubes going in through my nose and into my stomach to pump charcoal in an attempt to rid the toxins I had digested many hours before. After I was cleared of any harm I was placed under observation and released. I was brought home by my parents with deep regret and shame, but also with so much gratitude to be alive. It was shortly after that day I gave my heart and life to God. I learned in my selfishness that my life was not mine to take, but God’s creation and it was His grace that gave it back to me, so I set out to search for Him to give back what He had given me. I needed to share His love the best way I could, but in order for me to do that, I had to get as much information possible about God and proof of his existence to be a competent and confident source to all.
I started with the Bible, where I found so much about the life and love of God and how He came here to save us, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16, NIV). Although I found much about God in the bible, it still was not enough and I know there are people like the person I once was, nonbelievers that have not opened a bible in their lives who will need to know proof or be convinced to open a bible, so I looked further into knowledgeable sources including scientists who in their own studies to disprove God have often found themselves in the opposite position. Scientists point out weakness in their own studies disproving God’s existence. “As biochemists discover more and more about the awesome complexity of life, it is apparent that its chances of originating by accident are so minute that they can be completely ruled out. Life cannot have arisen by chance" (Hoyle, 1983), or as Dr. Robert Jastrow, founder of NASA's Institute for Space Studies, says "science has proven that the universe exploded into being in a certain moment." He further explains that this sudden explosion points to a truth found in the very first sentence of the Bible: "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." Just as King David proclaimed,” The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands" (Psalms 19:1). I was completely blown away by all of this information I was reading about and it gave me a great sense of peace and filled me with the knowledge that I was definitely not here by accident.
Fast forward to today as I embark on a degree in biblical studies which has given me the opportunity to study more about God’s existence. I have seen him work in my daily life just about everyday of my life since I have been given new eyes to see Him. In my studies I have learned this in an ontological view as Sire states “the focus is not on the role of human experience in apprehending God, not on our grasping after the knowledge of God, not on our search for God. God is already there. The focus is on our receiving from him the gift of the knowledge of his constant, eminent presence” (Sire, n.d.). We are all born with a purpose, and it gets lost when we focus on the things of this world. Our identity gets lost as soon as we get caught up in our environment and become who others say we are or what our negative thoughts tell us we are, which is not the truth. God placed each one of us here on earth to fulfill His work and to be a unique version of Him to bring each other home to build His kingdom. I for one want to fulfill that work here on earth rather than not feel like I belong. I know I am a daughter of God because He gave me a second chance at this earthly life, and He wanted me to tell you about it.
Hoyle, F. (1983). The Intelligent Universe. London: Michael Joseph.
Jastrow, R. (1984). Until the sun dies. New York: Warner Books.
Little, P., Galli, M., & McAllister, D. (n.d.). Why Believe in God? Retrieved from https://www.christianitytoday.com/iyf/hottopics/defendingyourfaith/why-believe-in-god.html
Sire, J. W. (n.d.). Naming the Elephant: Worldview as a Concept. Retrieved from https://platform.virdocs.com/r/s/0/doc/276434/sp/11540511/mi/41357908
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